Tuesday, January 6, 2009

One Little Word

I found a cute poem on another blog who have also had a loss and is pregnant again. I’m not sure if she wrote it, or if she found it but it says exactly what we are felling. Hopeless and hopefull all at the same time. And now it’s just a waiting game.

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Only one word popped up this time… Pregnant.
I suspected that I’d see it, but worried that I wouldn’t.
I waited to find out…
I didn’t want to find out exciting news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week.
I didn’t want to find out bad news that would make it hard to focus on the tasks that were important this week.
So I waited… but now I know for sure.
This part of the waiting is over… but now the real waiting begins.
That one little word changes everything.
It changed everything before too.
Now it’s different though.
I’m not inoccent anymore… and yet I can’t contain my excitement.
I’m scared but full of hope.
I’m nervous and anxious yet at peace.
That one little word… Pregnant
It brings such a range of emotions.
I know better than to think I’m safe after the first trimester.
This time we won’t wait so long to share the news… but we aren’t sure we’ll be able to untell people if the worst happens.
I know now that lighting can strike twice.
I pray that nothing happens but I’m afraid.
One little word.
One little baby that I’ve been hoping for, praying for, longing for.
Please pray that I’ll get to watch this baby grow up.
Please pray that I’ll meet this baby before it’s older brother does.
One little baby now growing inside.