Saturday, February 21, 2009


Lovely military. they leave me sitting at home alone this weekend while they take away my soldier.  But I'm doing "okay". Hanging in there I suppose you could say.

Today has been probably one of my better days. Alot has been going on this last week and I feel so discombobulated! I finally get to relax in peace and quiet. This morning mom, kristin and I went to a "faith in tough times" workshop at Indian Creek. And we are going to church tomorrow morning there too. Josh and I are still in search of a church that we "fit into". We don't want too big of a church that we get lost in the crowd but we don't want a super small church full of everyone BUT our age group. We need a happy medium that has lots of activities and such for us to get involved in. We have been feeling really good lately about strengthening our faith and we just need that next step such as a church to call HOME.
Last wednesday we had our check up at the OB. The autopsy, chromosomes and placenta came back without any abnormalities.  All of my blood tests came back normal except for one. The one that is the protien C blood clotting disorder. our OB said that being pregnant and the hormones can affect the test results (they took it originally right after i delivered jayden). So she is retesting it to see if it was the hormones or if it is really abnormal and we will know in about a week.
If it does come back abnormal, there could of possibly been a blood clot in my placenta that restricted blood flow and oxygen to the baby. This means that I would have to take baby asprin and when I get pregnant next I will have to get two shots a day of heprin or lovenex in my belly to reduce the chance of blood clotting.  If this test comes back normal, we have officiall no reason why this has happened.
A part of me wants an answer. I need an answer to cope and move forward. But the other part of me doesn't because if it is this blood clotting thing, it's something that can be tested for and PREVENTED. But they don't test unless you have a loss. Even though it is so common! So it angers me to know that Jayden could be here right now if we would have known about this problem. I guess I have alot of mixed feelings about it all.
After our appointment with our OB Josh and I went to visit Jayden. We got him so pretty fresh yellow flowers and a "it's a boy balloon" that we tied around his headstone and a big yellow star one with a little note attached that we released into the sky. It was neat to watch the balloon float up up and away to Jayden.  I hope he got our message! Some one left some pretty silk flowers out at Jayden's grave. Not sure who it was but THANK YOU! :) I sure hope it starts to get warm soon so that the cemetary will look alive again, and I mean alive as in the green grass and trees! lol. Anyway! and we will hopefully get is official headstone set in at the end of march if it is warm enough!
Oh and I have had some amazing friends! A few of my friends from ETSY.COM (who make handmade jewelry) have donated some charms to put into my Baby Angel Boxes!
Well - I am off to enjoy my saturday relaxing before kristin mom and heather come over to hangout for a little girls night!
Have a great weekend     xoxo   mommy to an angel

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