Sunday, April 19, 2009

Pain a reminder of my capacity to love

This is probably one of my more different posts. In process for trying to have a positive attitude which I have found to easily come and go as it pleases, I have turned to a lot of different books dealing with grief and loss of a child. I have read several before and the book a friend gave me really hits a lot of points I really like and that it really puts me in a more positive mood about my pain.
So I am just kind of going to do some book notes on this book. For everyone else to learn and for me to to refer back to and remember.
Book: a piece of my heart by molly fumia
Pg XI: feel better by confronting the pain, not dismissing it. Honor the greif process, including your right to have your pain and feel it in order to be healed.
Pg XII: imagine the pain to be a reminder only of my capacity for love. (I feel this is true. Before Jayden I knew I loved and was loved but never have I felt this special kind of love. A mother-child bond. I've learned a lot of things about myself both as a wife and a mother. Now I understand what my mom was always telling me "you'll understand one day" - mom I do!)
Pg 4: to remember the past is to be more alive, more human in the present.
Unexpected thruths: I had a right and need to mourn. That my feelings were honorable and important, and that I was not alone in my agony but joined by enough tiny unlived lives and grieving parents to fill the heavens ten times more.
Pg 13: suddenly her future was full of meaning. (From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I knew, just like my mother had, that this is what I want. A family. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom and raise beautiful children, and now that's what hurts me the most. My hopes and dreams have been crushed. Though I hope only for a short time.)
Pg 44: Dear God, let it be this child who will lead me through life's secrets, and give meaning to everything that is meaningless.
Pg75: survival meant never to forget. He survived by remembering.

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