Saturday, April 4, 2009

I sent this to my boss...

20 Things parents of Angels wish you would remember

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is
just because you never say my baby doesn't mean he or she doesn't deserve
your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't
think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I
need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts
help me heal.
3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The
truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten and
that you do care and understand.
4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my
baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him or her.
5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that
you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.
6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me.
The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams
I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories.
Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like
7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth
is we both know I had a baby growing inside me for 39 weeks.
8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I
should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and
we are all different people who deal with things differently.
9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or
if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I
should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to
10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is loosing my
baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated,
confused and like it is my fault.
11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with"
in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it
may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.
12. I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasn't really a baby and
it was blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby was a human life.
My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my
baby's body and face. My baby was a real person. He was perfect in every way possible.
13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died (our angel-versary)
and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth
is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on
these days.
14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I
am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If
you keep waiting for me to get back
to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new
thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real
me-maybe you'll still like me.
15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth
is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace this baby.
Babies aren't interchangeable. Besides, you do not know whether we have
fertility problems or medical conditions that prevent us from biological children.
16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby
or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to
make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.
17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my
friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone
thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.
18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is
uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous, sad, angry, upset and a failure.
I do not wish this on anyone, but please, I will be happy for you later. Right now
is not a good time.
19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me
something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no
matter what you think nature is saying.
20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say
"next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you
say if it happens to me again?
I hope this helps you see the "new me". I can't control the path my greif takes me. I'm learning the road as I go. This is only to help you try and understand what I am going through and how I am feeling, but again you won't fully understand unless you have experienced it for yourself, and I pray with all I have that you never will. It is not fair for a parent to bury their child. It's not supposed to work that way. Please know, your thoughts, prayers, support mean more to me than anything in the world. And alot of days, are the only things getting me through my day.

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