Wednesday, December 23, 2009

24 weeks :: losing my mind!

Well I've successfully made it to 24 weeks. I've also successfully lost my blackberry. I can't find it anywhere and I'm losing my mind!! My life is in that thing... my photos, my to-do lists, my saved emails, my calendar, and most important all my numbers and email addys to everyone important!! *tears* I'm in attempt to file a missing blackberry claim with the cell insurance place but i'm sure I won't be getting anything before the new year..... If you need me, e-mail me or call Josh's cell...

Rylee has been crazy active the last two-three days. She has been moving for awhile now but it's only been at night when i'm laying down, focusing and waiting for it... BUT now... it's non stop... the girl doesn't sleep!!! Which inturn causes me to not sleep either. I love it and am annoyed by it at the same time. However, the lack of sleep could also be due to all of the crazy weeks ahead for us. We have so much going on within 2-3 weeks that it's almost too much to even try to think about. We have christmas eve, christmas day, 28th is the day we went to the hospital for Jayden, 30th he was born, jan 3rd was his due date and the day that we laid him to rest, and then 21st JB leaves for military training and won't be home until the 5th of April..... talk about overload.

Some have told me to only focus on the positives (ie: don't fret over the 28th being the day that we went to the hospital etc) however... how can you not? I would have to say I've handled this all pretty well so far... but there isn't a day that goes by that I haven't replayed everything that happened last year from the moment we left to go to the hospital to the time we came home empty handed. I can't not think about it, I can't not think about what I should have, what I do have and what I will have soon. There are so many emotions running through me that I don't even know where to start and which one to deal with first. I'm so happy I'm pregnant and so far things are going "okay". At the same time.... I'm missing my son. He should be here and he isn't. We should be buying toys for a one year old and celebrating both Christmas and a first birthday party, but we aren't exactly doing that either. I'm happy, sad, upset, angry, blessed, excited, and confused all at the same time. 

....One day at a time. I feel so scatterbrained, enough to be asking... does this blog post make any sense?!? Sorry if it doesn't... this is my thought process currently.... lol bear with me.

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